Beyond the Pain

Looking For A Book

“Act like your looking for a book but you’re not sure what to buy,” I said.

Bonnie actually got up from her chair. Stood a few feet away. And, approached me like I was sitting in my chair at the cash desk in the bookstore. She said, “Can you help me?”

“What are you looking for?”

“That’s the problem I don’t know,” she said.

I thought for a second. Then said, “What do usually read? Fiction? Non-fiction?”

“Oh. Mostly fiction, I guess.” she said.

“Okay. Do you recall liking a particular author. Or, genre, like romance or mystery?”

“What’s literary?” she said.

“Well, honestly, that’s the bulk of the fiction books in the store. To be honest I think I was hired because I don’t tend to like literary authors. I think of them as pretenious, uppity. But I do like some. Have you ever read Jodi Picoult?”

“No. I don’t think so,” she said.

“Let’s go over to that wall where her books are shelved.” And, we moved in the office as if we were moving in the actual store.

“Let me see. Oh. I really, really like this one. ‘House Rules’. It’s about a family raising a boy with Asperger’s Syndrome. It really spoke to me,” I said.

“Let me look at it,” Bonnie said. She picked a folder off her desk. As if it were a book. Looked at it. And, said, “I’ll take it.”

I said, “Let’s go back to the cash desk and I will ring that up for you.”

Bonnie came out of her role as a customer. Stepped around her desk. Sat down. Straightened her skirt. And, said, “Now. Was that so difficult?’

“No. Not really,” I said.

“I think you will do a fine job when you return to work,” she said.

“Our time is almost up. Do you have any questions?”

“Nope.”

“Let’s schedule our next session. Would same day. Same time. Two weeks from now, work for you?”

I said, “I am at your command.”

Bonnie raised her right eyebrow as if to say, oh right! Handed me a card with the appointment day and time writted on it. Stood up. Shook my hand. “See you next time,” she said.

I turned. Opened her office door. Found my way to the reception area. Waited for my next appointment with Adeline.

I had been a bit leery of my appointments with Bonnie. Now I was actually looking forward to my next one.

But. It never happened.

And, I don’t know why.

An excerpt from CRASH! Memories of a Healing Journey, All Rights Reserved, Lyle T. Lachmuth

Shrink Wrap, Too

That first session with Bonnie consisted of the usual questions. How long have you been crazy? Seriously, though. Questions about my psychological history. My car ‘accident’. My relationships. The usual.

After fifty five minutes Bonnie said, “We need to wrap this up. Let’s schedule the next session in two weeks. Same time?”

“Sure”, I said. As if I had nothing to do but come to these sessions. Well, I didn’t. I had commited to fully engage in these sessions. To do whatever it took to get well. Well, as well as I could. I was commitmed to do the exercises. To do the work. Regardless of the pain.

And, my next session with Bonnie was indeed painful.

The session started out with the usual inquiries about how my life had been going. Then Bonnie hit me with a zinger, “What are you really afraid of Lyle”, she asked.

Um. What? Women, I thought. What I said was, “I’m really worried about going back to work at the bookstore. What if one of the customers asks me a question and I don’t know the answer? What if I screw up order taking?”

“Let’s do a role play”, Bonnie said. “I will pretend I’m a customer. Let’s see how things go. Would that be all right?”

“Sure.”

“How do you want me to act”, Bonnie said.

An excerpt from CRASH! Memories of a Healing Journey, All Rights Reserved, Lyle T. Lachmuth