Archive for May 2007

May142007

Me Time!

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I just had one of the worst days of pain in recent memory.

It sucked!!

Rain. Cold. Damp. Wind. Almost guaranteed to bring on pain. And, they did.

It was a shitty, cold, damp day yesterday.

And, I was in pain all freaking day.

Here’s what I going to do to ‘ensure’ this pain doesn’t continue.

One, I’m adding a new item to my daily Walking practice.

Each day, just before I finish my walk I will ask myself, "What will I do for myself today?"

The second thing I’m doing is this: Every Monday I will go through my calendar and block off AT LEAST 3 ME TIMES!

For example, I marked off 3 2-hour periods of time this week that are reserved JUST FOR ME!

I don’t know yet what I will do.

BUT, I do know what I won’t be doing.

I won’t be spending the time on anything or anyone else!

It’s MY TIME!

May92007

Creating a Whole Life

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I stole the title of this post from a workshop I took 18 years ago.

The notion of having a ‘whole’ life, as in complete, healed, appealed to me then… and still does.

When I blew my life apart 22 years ago, I knew I would have to rebuild it.

It was my intention to ‘reinvent myself’, except that wasn’t the phrase I used.

I thought of it more as creating a different life, a life more suited to me  — if  I could just figure out who that was.

One of my goals in attending that workshop 18 years ago was part of that ongoing figuring. And, figuring is indeed an ongoing thing.

Learned a few things in the last 18 years about creating/living a whole life.

One of the things I learned is that I have to heal more than my mind.

18 years ago I was focused on learning to "live without manic depressive illness" — to borrow the title of the great book by Maryellen Copeland.

Healing that illness took 10 years — then I got Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, which 5 years ago morphed into being about the pain of FIbromyalgia.

And, I have focused on healing that.

As I’ve pondered the ways and means to do that I’ve realized that healing needs to occur in 5 aspects of our being:

1. Physical – my body and it’s muscles, tendons, bones hurts like fucking hell much of the time

2. Mental – my brain is fubared. I experience Fibro Fog. I suffer from Seasonal Affective Disorder. My moods shift faster than the Hurst Shifter in Caroll Shelby’s Mustang.

3. Emotional – did I mention labile moods? I’ve been accused of being sensitive. And, I AM.

4. Spiritual – I have long had a need for a spiritual part to my life. And, longed for a personal relationship with God. Not one filtered through some priest or minister.

And, to this ‘standard’ collection I now add.

5. Sexual – As a survivor of childhood sexual abuse my sexuality has been fucked up for years. It needs fixing.

So, now Creating a Whole life is about healing all 5 of my aspects: Physical, Mental, Emotional, Spiritual, and Sexual.

What about you?