Beyond the Pain

In Jr. High we had a quirky little English  teacher.  He was a fussy, little bird of a man, flitting around the classroom like a Sandpiper. Pausing for moments to glance over one’s shoulder then skittering to the next student.

I still remember his detailed description of how to build a proper compost
heap: carefully place each item in it’s ‘correct’ spot, layer orange peels
and cabbage leaves just so, carefully pile on potato peelings, add a dash of coffee grounds for drainage — and
colour. Weird, the things that stick with you (that was more than 40 years ago).

It was he who introduced me to T. S. Eliot’s The Hollow Men with it prophetic pronouncement that the world would end "not with a bang but with a whimper!"

And, that’s another piece of trivia that has stayed with me over the years.

I’m glad it has. Because its a fitting way to describe the death of pain.

I’ve lived with grinding, crushing, excruciating pain over the last 4 years. And, now except for occasional flare ups that happen when lack of sleep meets tumultous weather, I have no pain.

And, it left with no fanfare. No bugles or trumpets. No sirens wailing.

It left with no bang. But, with a whimper.

Tags: pain relief

Next to guilt… shame has got to be one of the most damaging emotions!

I was really tired yesterday. So, spent a good chunk of the morning obsessed about decluttering. You know the routine. Papers, more papers, and even more papers ‘filed’, well, crammed really, into a quartet of boxes in the corner of my office.

I found printed copies of e-mails from 2001! Sheesh!

Found some ‘good stuff’ too.

Including the certificate I received in June 1992, labelled as follows: "This certifies that Lyle T. Lachmuth has completed 13 weeks of training as a Facilitator of the Pastoral Institute’s ‘You’re Not Alone’ program for battered women".

What’s that got to do with Shame?

This. On my walk this morning I was pondering the question: Why do I so often not do the things I ought to do (that are good for me)?

And, what popped into my head was this thought: "cause I’m ashamed! Ashamed to admit I let someone take advantage of me. Ashamed I didn’t know (after all I should)." And, on and on.

That’s when I flashed back to the women in the You’re Not Alone group I co-facilitated. I remember one particular woman, I’ll call her Mabel. Mabel was a wee, wiry, high energy woman. In one relationship her boy "friend" had deliberately run her over with his car!! Yet, who felt the fucking shame… NOT HIM! It was Mabel.

That sucks!!!

And, it flashed into my head all the times I didn’t speak out… for myself or others because I feared being SHAMED!

And, all the people I’ve coached and counselled who have suffered emotional and physical battering because they were too ashamed to tell anyone!

And, how many children have been abused more because they were ashamed to speak out?

Too fucking many!!

Let’s Kill Shame!

Tags: child abuse, battering, shame, emotional abuse